Folk and Traditional Song Lyrics:
Roman Gladiator

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The Roman Gladiator

The Roman Gladiator
 (Dave Houlden et al)

 CHO:      I'm glad glad very very glad
     I'm glad I'm a gladiator
     Ancient Rome, that's my home
     Fried fish shop by the Hippodrome
     I'm glad glad very very glad
     From my helmet to my toes
     My old Dad was a Roman lad
     And he left me a Roman nose
     2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4

 Ever seen a Fellow like a Roman candle
 Bloke who never let his braces dangle
 Gladi-ator Bold and Furious
 Runs round Rome with a spirit so furious
 I'm in the bodyguard of Julius Ceaser
 He's got a fizzer like a lemon squeezer
 My names Marcus diddle-I-darcus
 Permanent address is Rome

 Round the Colosseum we go marching
 Wearing dickies that are needing starching
 Watched by Nero, he's our hero
 Sits up there with a belly full of beer-o
 All day long he keeps on fiddlin'
 Fingers diddlin', always twiddlin'
 We must please him, if we tease him
 Throws us in the lions den.

 I had a fight with a lion called Nifty
 Mangy old bugger with an eye so shifty
 Rorus chorus, he rushed for us
 I shoved my Trident up his anal quarters
 Gave that lion such a fair old beating
 Found his haemorrhoids need treating
 Oh what a din!, Oh what a win!
 Everybody thumbs up YAH!

 Julius Caesar had a motto
 Only remembered it when he got blotto
 "Null secundus orus randy "
 He was a bugger on a pint of shandy
 On his banner was a naked dancer
 Three French letters and a mounted lancer
 He can't fool us, got no tool, us
 Lost it in the Ides of March

 Marcus Anthony, the dirty s***ehouse
 Lost his medals in a Rome red lighthouse
 Woke in the morning, very solemn
 Couldn't see the end of his Tragans column
 The favourite sport of Roman rogues is
 Two pink gins and off with their togas
 Shagnus Magnus, any old bag does
 Oh what a Roman wreck

 We went on holiday to old Pompeii
 Can't say that we enjoyed our stayee
 We insured against Jupiter pluvius
 We forgot about bloody Vesuvius
 off we buggered to Herculaneum
 Wife got a rock upon her cranium
 Oh what a shock, bloody great rock
 So we buggered off back to Rome

 They were a funny lot the Ancient Britons
 Look at 'em twice and they'd have kittens
 As you've read in "Di Bello Castie"
 How we were poisoned by a Cornish pasty
 We lost Marcus to a fair young Druid
 Who injected him with priceless fluid With his arse full of woad, he croaked li
ke a toad
 So we dumped him in the Edgware Road.

 In north Britain near Vindolanda
 thats where the 6th Legion raise their standard
 They grew leeks that were big and strong
 Thick as your arm and six foot long Then the Scots with their Picts and shovels
 Came and stole them back to their hovels
 This didn't please the legion at all
 Which is why they built Hadrians Wall

 Dave Houlden (with some additions)
 This is the combined set of words gathered from Pearl O'Neill and Barry at Towe
rsey, how
 much was written by Dave I dont know, except for verse 8 I know that I added th
at as a
 homage to Dave Houldens ghost.

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E-Book - An Annotated Compendium of Old Time American Songs by James Alverson III