The Best Of Schemes-1934
Decca F5287 Gifford/Cliffe
For one hundred pounds, a lot though it sounds, the Channel I bet that Id swim,
Im a rascal for sports so in my little shorts, I turned up full of vim.
I said to myself Im fine, and the moneys as good as mine.
But the best of schemes will often go wrong, they often go wrong with me
I jumped in the water, but it was all in vain,
Twas so cold and wet, I jumped out again.
Although I froze, I said "here goes" and started good and strong.
I swam for fourteen hours with the sea like a lake
I reached the other side and said "the money Ill take",
And then I found Id swam the Serpentine by mistake
And another good scheme went wrong.
I used to live swell at a hotel, and theres a young lady stayed there too,
So lovely was she I said "this is me, and Ill have to see more of you",
Quite well with her I shaped, and she guessed Id got something taped,
But the best of schemes will often go wrong, they often go wrong with me.
She gave me the glad eye as on the stairs we both passed,
I said to myself "He, He! Ive clicked at last",
I thought Id bluff, the caveman stuff, my love was growing strong.
That night I watched and waited till I heard her retire,
Then crept along the landing in my scanty attire,
But just as I got to her door the hotel caught fire
And another good scheme when wrong.