Here's a little story of a man named John,
A poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone)
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis, that is)
Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride,
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded out a bend.
(Curve, that is)
(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed, and they barked, and they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was wavin' in the air.
(Found, that is)
(By a fence, evidence)
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick-doc said, "Hey! I can fix your dong
A needle and a thread's just the thing you're gonna need."
Then the world held its breath 'till they heard that John peed.
(Wizzed, that is)
(Stitched seam, straight stream)
Well, he healed, and he hardened, and he took the case to court
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short),
The cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.
(Video, that is)