American Old Time Song Lyrics: 29 He Aint In It

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 29

HE AIN'T IN IT
Copyright, 1890, by J. P. Broder & Co.
Words and Music by Philip Hastings.

A slangy expression you hear on the street ­"He ain't in it."
The small boy remarks, whom you happen to meet,
"You ain't in it."
This by-word is truly a very good thing,
It's short, and it has an appropriate ring.
Of some people and things I will now sweetly sing
Who ain't in it.

The oyster you look for when at a church fair
Isn't in it.
The soup is all right, but the oyster's not there-
It ain't in it. .
At your boarding-house, too, when your dinner you take.
You are passed what is labeled "strawberry short-cake;"
You search for the berry all over your plate-
It ain't in it.

You often sit down to play poker, and think
You are in it.
You merrily chat and most knowingly wink,
And you're in it.
But all of a sudden there is a jack-pot,
You draw to three aces and get. one more spot.
But the "cops "ramble in and yank in the whole lot-
You ain't in it.

When first you go out in the surf for a swim,
You are in it.
Perhaps you are fat, and perhaps you are slim,
But you're in it.
The girls all declare you are awfully sweet,
Your bathing-suit is very nobby and neat,
But it suddenly rips from the neck to the seat-
You ain't in it.

Encore Verses.
A short time ago I went out to a brook
And looked in it.
The water was tempting, with no one to look-
I jumped in it.
But some tramps came along in a very short time,
They stole all my clothes And my watch and last dime;
I went home in a barrel, and, though covered with lime,
I was in it.

You are deeply in love with a maiden most fair,
And you're in it.
To her back-yard each evening you swiftly repair,
And you're in it.
But one fateful evening disaster you meet-
Pa turns loose the bull-dog, you beat a retreat-
You still have your trousers, but where is the seat?
It ain't in it.

A young dude sits in the front row every night,
And he's in it.
To gaze at the chorus-girls is his delight,
And he's in it.
From one of them finally he gets a smile;
He waits at the stag " -door, she comes after 'while.
She's aged about forty, says, "Good-night, my child,
You ain't in it.

If you really admire this beautiful tune,
Then I'm in it.
So I'll tell you about the man in a balloon,
Who was in it.
he went up so easily, high in the air,
But sad my narration, he did not take care-
As he fell to the earth he remarked, "I declare,
I ain't in it."

You dream of the number that wins the grand prize,
You are in it.
You buy the whole ticket, a big twenty flies,
You are in it.
The list soon arrives, how your fingers do itch,
Your mind is wrought up to a terrible pitch,
But the number you think is to make you so rich
Isn't in it.

You people down there in the audience, of course,
All are in it.
You laugh And you howl till you make yourselves hoarse,
But you're in it.
But here I stand gloomily grinding out rhyme
While up to high "C" I endeavor to climb.
I now will announce for the very last time,
I ain't in it.