American Old Time Song Lyrics: 03 Miss Grubers Boarding House

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 3

Miss Grubers Boarding House.
Words and Music by Gus Williams.

Miss Gruber kept a boarding house,
About two blocks from here,
Und alvays round at dinner time
She vould drink lager beer;
She vos a lady ev'ry vay,
Could sing just like a cat,
She veigh'd two hundred eighdy pounds,
But den she wasn't stout.

Spoken-Oh! Miss Gruber vos a gread lady, und so vos her
farder, und dey dought a good deal of me, so did de oder board­ers; dere vos Mr. Kebler und Mr. Vollendorf, Mr. Helvendahl,
Mr. Flechtmann, und Miss Kinkel, Miss Nollmeyer, und Mrs.
Hildebrand; one night My gel Snyder gave a barty, und ve vos
all invided to sday avay, but ve didn't care, ve vasn't consulded
a bit, but gave a barty of our own, und by eighd o'clock dot
evening all de belite of de city vos dere, und sdyle, too, 'dwas
splendid. I dell you dere vos a lively dime dot night at-

Chorus.
Miss Gruber's boarding house,
Miss Gruber's boarding house,
I can't forget de fun, you bet,
Vile I lived at dot house;
Miss Gruber's boarding house,
Miss Gruber's boarding house,
I can't forget de fun, you bet.
Vile I lived at dot house.

De dable it vos loaded down
Mit every ding dot's nice,
Und lager beer vos flowing round
Like rivers full of ice;
Jake Speigelberg vos called upon
To speak vot he knew most,
He filled his glass full up of beer,
Und den gave us a roast.

Spoken-De roast vos: De ladies-may heaven bless dem,
und may dey-I forged de resd; anyhow I vos called to de­spond, und I said, oh!-vot's de use anjhow?-I said someding,
und dot seddles id. Den afder subber ve blaj-ed hunt de snip­per, und I stand on my head in de veil, how many miles deep?
und vot dot I hold over your nose, fine or superfine? und den
dere vos some nice singing-Mr. Kebler sang, " Silver Dreads
Among de Hash;" Mr. Vollendorf sang, " Wride Me Dwo Led­ders from Home," den an invided vest got ub uud gave a reci­tation dot vent like dis, "Who Kissed Cock Robin? I, said de
fly, mit my little eye, I vosn't dere;" he vas kicked out de room
rite avay, so dat broke ub de barty at-Chorus.

Miss Hildebrand who did board dere
(But I said so before),
Vone day asked me to mind her child
Vile she vent to de sdore;

De day it vos an awful vone, 'Twas raining cats, you bet, Und if she took de child out, She vos 'fraid it vould get vet.
Spoken-Vell, I said I'd mind de child. Miss Hildebrand vos a glass vidow, und she loved dot little child. Ven she vent oud de child vos asleep, uud aboud dwo minudes after id commenc­ed to cry; id kicked de blanket skyhigh, und sat ub, und looked at me. I said, "Polly, vant a fire-cracker?" und dwo or dree oder words, but id vouldn't sdop crying. I found de sugar­bowl-I gave id a lumb of sugar; it looked at id, und den howl­ed dill a bicture of George Washington fell off de wall. I got a basin und an old stove leg, und pounded avay on de basin, bud id vos no novelty for dot child, for it yelled all de harder. I got a picture book und showed id William Penn, etc. I offered id den dollars to keep sdill undil its mother vould get home; 'dwas no use dough. I gave id apples, fried cakes, raisin cakes, pickled peaches, nothing would sdop him. He kicked in de | crystal of my vatch, tore my necktie off, pulled enough hair out of my head to stuff a sofa, bud vouldn't sdop crying. At last I got an ax, a butcher's knife, a revolver, und a hammer, und I had just raised de ax over de baby's head to make id sdop cry­ing, ven ids moder come in. She dinks I had de dings dere to amuse de child, but if she had vaited five minutes longer, she'd have found oud de truth; but sdill, for all dot, dere is someding sweet to remember ven I vos at- Chorus.