'Twas in the merry month of May
An Irishman here landed,
He started out to see the sights,
An Irish man so candid.
He had some funny happenings
He made some funny slips,
I'll tell you of his troubles since
Old Paddy left his ship.
As he was strolling around the dock
He spied a great big anchor.
He had no idea what it was
And for information hankered.
He asked a man in uniform
By the name of Johnny Max
To point him out the son-of-a-gun
Who used that great big axe.
As he was going up the road
In a tree he spied a parrot.
Says, "Ain't that a pretty bird?
I'll catch it or I'm a coward."
He started climbing up the tree
The parrot says, "What's the word?"
Pat says, "I beg your pardon sir
I thought you were a bird."
Just then the parrot begun to sing
"God Save the Queen"
Old Pat would-a killed it there and then
But its feathers they were green.
He couldn't harm that color,
And his anger held in check;
"Oh if you were a canary bird
I'd wring your yaller neck!"
As he was going down the street he saw
Some pumpkins in a wagon.
He asked the man who was in the seat
What the horses were a-draggin'.
He told them they were donkey eggs,
He believed it like a fool;
He bought him one and took it home
To hatch a little mule.
He sat on it for four long weeks
Untill the pumpkin did decay;
He got disgusted with the thing
And flung it far away.
He scared a rabbit out of the brush
He saw what ears it had,
"Oh come back here yoy son-of-a-gun
Don't you know that I'm your dad?"
From Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing, Logsden