Folk & Traditional Song Lyrics www.traditionalmusic.co.uk The Archaeologist Song 
The Archaeologist Song (Mary Leighton)
 ch. Oh I am an archaeologist and I have a certain class I dig and drink and swear a lot and talk out of my arse In 1999 you will not be finding me 'coz I'm far to busy digging up another century 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my drink About anything but real ale I would not even think With the obvious exception of whisky rum and gin And cider wine or brandy if the landlord has them in 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my tent The outers ripped the inners lost and all the pegs are bent It leaks a bit but there's room inside for two or even three But I smell so much the only one who'll stay in there is me 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my home Every surface there is covered by the artifacts I own A bottle bank fills the front room but you'll find we're vermin free The rats all left 'coz my five flat mates all smell as bad as me 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my friends They all have proper jobs and cars and think I'm round the bend They phone me up to moan about the jobs they have to do But I'll still be broke and digging when they retire at thirty-two 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my skin It's leathery and callused where the blisters all have been It's bronzed and burnt and haggered by the wind and sun and rain But I've stubbed off all my nerve endings so no longer feel pain 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my man I change him round from dig to dig or as often as I can But I'm looking for a millionaire or billionaire its true who Will keep me in a state id like to become accustomed to 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my car It goes alright from camp to site but mostly to the bar It's a clapped out hired minibus with plenty of room inside For all my tools, the volunteers, and the kitchen sink besides 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my physique 
If you listen very carefully you may just hear me creak My knees have gone, my back is bent, I'm every doctor's hell And the day I can't lift up my pint my heart will stop as well 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my eyes They're always frowning at the ground or squinting at the skies I can spot a rain cloud two days off or features from afar But I'm best of all at spotting out a public house or bar 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my trowel It's as blunt as me, an inch in width and the handles really foul I put it in my back pocket so I break it regularly But I'll never get a new one 'coz its as old and knackered as me 
Oh I am an archaeologist you can tell it by my hair It hasn't been brushed for many a month or washed for many a year It's a foxes den a cuckoos nest a badgers set you see Is it really any wonder no one else will employ me? 
ML oct99