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Tell me what to do, tell me what to say
Tell me what to think or if I may
And I'll obey, for I'm the perfect citizen
I'm a nonprotesting, status-quoting
True to the mold conformist

  I'm a vegetable, pure vegetable I love conformity
  Happy vegetable, loyal vegetable
  Pride of the powers that be

Tell me what to do, tell me what to read
Tell me when to breathe and I will heed
For my creed amounts to simply this, you see
If it's fun, it's a sin; if it's free, it's a crime
If it's true, it's seditious; and that's why

Test me as you please, I shall never quail
Tell me I'm a dog and I'll wag my tail
For to fail would be most indefensible
For original thought must be thoroughly banned
  So as not to disturb my head in the sand
It's slumbering, cucumbering, vegetable as it can be
Umbilical, imbecilicle, garden of serenity

Tell me what is right, tell me what is wrong
Tell me what to join and I'll belong
For my song should prove to you conclusively
How happy you'll be when you're mind has gone numb
You'll wake up one morning and find you've become

  A vegetable, pure vegetable, you'll love conformity (like me)
  A happy vegetable, loyal vegetable, pride of the powers that be

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