Love in the Tub
Come all ye young people and listen awhile;
I'll sing you a ditty, it will cause you to smile.
It's witty, it's pretty, diverting and new.
Although it is witty I'm sure it is true.
In the city of London a lady did dwell;
A very rich merchant was known very well.
He had but one daughter, a beauty so bright,
And on her he placed his chief joy and delight.
There was a young vender who that lived near,
Had dealt with this merchant some four or five year;
And being invited to supper one night
Oh! there he spied this beauty so bright.
Instead of his stomach he feasted his eyes
On the charms of her beauty, which did him suffice.
And that very night fortune proved so kind
That unto this lady he opened his mind.
"Dear sir," said she, "how can gou say so
When thousands of pounds to my father you owe?
And I am s lady of noble estate;
How dare you presume to talk at such rate!"
"Dear miss, if I had ten thousand a year
I'd part with it all for the sake of my dear.
Don't let true love be despised for gold;
It's not to be bought, it cannot be sold."
She granted his love; and then she replied:
"My dear, I would have you now well satisfied.
But I without the consent of my father I wed,
Not a farthing of portion there is to be had.
"There's a comical fancy that runs through my head,
And when you do hear it, I fear not," she said,
"And when you do hear it, I fear not," said she,
"That unto my project you'll quickly agree."
"You know in the vault of my father's wine stand
There's some empty pipes all on the right hand.
I'll send for a cooper; I'll trust him," says she,
"I'll give him ten guineas in gold for a fee."
They both liked the project, they both did agree.
They sent for the cooper, he come in all speed.
He took up this lady without more delay
And into a hogshead he placed her away.
He headed it up, secured it nice.
Then in came the vender all in a trice
And says to her father, "Sir, at this time
I stand in great need of a hogshead of wine."
Then to the wine-cellar they both did repair
To taste of the liquor. But when they got there,
Him knowing the hogshead, he made this reply:
"Since all is for sale, then this will I buy."
The bargain was made and the money was paid.
Then the vendor turned round to the merchant and said:
"Now all that I buy in this hogshead is mine
But the hoops and the staves, and they are all thine."
He picked up the piercer and pierced the same.
Not one single drop from the hogshead there came.
"Well, well," said the vender, "what a bargain is this?
Not one single drop in the hogshead there is."
"Oh, yes,' said the old man, "the bargain is good,
For you bought the hogshead just as it stood."
He knocked off the head and the lady came forth;
The old man stood staring and ripped out an oath.
"It's folly, I know, to fly in a rage;
I find that youth is too cunning for age.
I sold her, you bought her, now love her" says he;
"Ten thousand pounds portion I'll surely give thee."
This vender he loved her as dear as his life;
It was reported she proved a good wife.
They follow their calling by drawing of bungs,
Therefore you may know there was love in the tub.
From Ballads and Songs, Belden
Collected from Miss Hamilton, MO