Copyright. 1897, by Spaulding & Gray.
Words and Music by Jos. M. Sparks and Francis Bryant.
Dan Maloney from a building fell, and as the doctor said,
Six inches short, his right leg was, when Dan got out of bed;
When Maloney he was sober, he could walk like you or me,
But Dan he loved his whiskey, and went often on a spree;
And When he had his jag with bun be was an awful sight,
For when he wanted to turn left the abort leg steered him right;
Maloney weighed three hundred pounds, all muscle, fat and Done,
When he was full it took a horse And dray to bring aim home.
This is the way Maloney went when he was on a spree,
His leg was short, his back was bent, he was a sight to see;
I'd prop meself again him, and I'd above with all me might,
It wasn't a bit of use at all, the leg would carry him right, carry him right,
carry him right.
Last St. Patrick's Day while waiting for a hack to bring him home,
I had to hold Maloney up, he couldn't stand alone;
When a bright idea it struck me, and a brick by chance I found,
I quickly placed the brick between Dan's short leg and the ground;
It balanced him exactly, and I told him not to speak,
While I went off to get a back, a bootblack made a sneak
Up to where Dan Maloney stood, and then the rascal cute.
He kicked the brick from underneath poor Dan Maloney's foot.- Chor.
"Turn to the left!" a dago cried to Dan when full one night.
In spite of all that Dan could do the short leg turned him right:
Three hundred pounds of human weight In a moment fell And crashed,
Italian, Dan, banana stand, lay in the gutter smashed;
Before Judge Duffy they were brought next day at early morn,
'Twas all Dun's fault the dago swore, that Dan was going wrong;
The judge he put his glasses on, his eyes they twinkled bright.
"Maloney is discharged," said he, for Dan was going right.- Chorus.