American Old Time Song Lyrics: 48 I Never Could Understand

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 48

I NEVER COULD UNDERSTAND.
Copyright, 1895, by W. P. Chase.
Words and Music by W. P. Chase.

There are many strange things in the drama of life
Which I never could understand,
There are customs now ancient und customs still rife,
Which I never could understand;
For instance, you'll see a young man on the street,
All dressed in the latest style, looking so neat;
How he does it on salary of seven a week?
I never could understand,
I never could understand just why some things are so;
Ev'ry day of the year I find things more queer,
Things I never could understand.

Just why our bald heads always take the front row,
I never could understand,
And why living pictures are so much the "go,"
I never could understand.
Just why, when a baby wakes up In the night,
It takes such a ghoulish And fiendish delight
In making Its papa say things which aren't right,
I never could understand.

How the ballet can make our old maids look so young,
I never could understand;
Why a few dozen more of book agents aren't hung,
I never could understand.
Just why, when a woman Is out In the wet,
And raises her skirt just a wee little bit,
All men will endeavor a clear sight to get-
I never could understand.

Just why men from Kansas refuse to wear socks,
I never could understand;
Why Hebrews get mad when you yell "Sheenie Mox,"
I never could understand.
The women are wielding a powerful pen,
Declaring all work should be open to them;
But why they insist that typewriters be men,
I never could understand.

Why "Hubble" won't eat when his wife makes the bread,
I never could understand;
Why an Irishman so loves to hit at a head,
I never could understand.
Why kissing's considered so awful a sin.
Why Willie, when feeling her breath on his chin,
Will get so frustrated when papa steps in,
I never could understand.

Why plumbers are never admitted in Heaven,
I never could understand;
Why bull dogs are always so hungry at 'leven,
I never could understand.
One night I had been with my girl to a dance;
We were parting, when suddenly I caught a glance
Of doggie-just why he so fancied my pants,
I never could understand.

How aldermen always grow wealthy so quick,
I never could understand;
Why the first cigar makes a young man, oh, so sick,
I never could understand.
Why the bicycle riders assume such a hump,
Why the mother-in-law is considered a chump.

Why a man like Jim Weaver e'er took to the stump,
I never could understand.

Why the Mayor of this city wears three-dollar pants,
I never could understand;
Why a woman goes shopping with only ten cents
I never could understand.
She'll enter the door in a millionaire way,
Price laces and velvets, and hours will stay,
Then tell them she'll come again some other day­She's a thing I can not understand.