DIDN'T KNOW 'TWAS LOADED.
Copyright, 1893, by L. A. Barber.
Words by La Verne A. Barber. Music by Bertha A. Barber.
There's an item of news that you read every day,
An old rusty pistol in the hands of some jay,
Makes a bad combination the papers then say;
Didn't know it was loaded, now he's gone far away,
Thus I read in the paper, and ideas arose
That accidents happen the world never knows;
And thus was I thinking, and, therefore, suppose
To clear up such mysteries is a mission that goes-
I suppose the mission goes.
You didn't know 'twas loaded ere you procured seats;
For you'd surely stayed at home to-night, or preferred to walk the streets,
But I'm up here and you're down there, I'll sing of accidents so rare;
Of course, you didn't know that I was loaded.
You meet a fair maiden, just turning sixteen;
Invited to call-do you go? I should scream;
You sit in the parlor, entranced in a dream;
Can such bliss be dissembled? well, so it would seem;
The girl has a papa, you knew that before,
Coining late from the club-room, with head rather sore;
He enters the parlor-great heavens, he swore;
Through the sulphuric ether you make for the door;
There's a roar-it's all o'er.
You didn't know 'twas loaded, but soon found your mistake;
When her Pa prepared for action, for the door you made a break;
You cried: "Love, this will break my heart" -it wasn't there Pa left his mark;
And now, of course, you know her Pa was loaded.
You hire out to work for your new kitchen maid,
While she draws the wages that comprises her trade;
You dare not remonstrate because you're afraid;
You dress in gingham, in silk she's arrayed;
You've a friend in the kitchen, a friend you ne'er knew,
And one day Mary Ann lights the cook stove for you;
With the oil can in hand And a match burning blue,
Great Scott' an explosion, Mary's vanished from view;
How she flew when it blew.
She didn't know 'twas loaded-alas! how could she know;
It never gave her warning-perhaps 'tis better so;
As they sped through air, 'twas a pretty race twixt can and Ann who'd
get first place
Ah, Mary didn't know the can was loaded.
Old whiskers from Hoopville took in the World's Fair,
Had the price in his pocket And money to spare;
A friend mentioned faro, and took whiskers there
To get a chunk of the earth and a mortgage on air,
Now he dimly remembers of many a bet,
Of many a dollar the other men get;
He finally tumbles and breaks in a sweat,
When he finds that he still owns his pantaloons yet;
Alas, too bad, all he had.
He didn't know 'twas loaded when be first ventured in;
Now walking home to Hoopville is good enough for him;
His money, coat, vest, watch and chain poor whiskers ne'er will see again;
He didn't know the Faro Bank was loaded.
A few miles from Chicago thieves held up a train,
Thinking great riches and money to gain.
Hands up! was the order: hands up, or be slain!
Resistance was useless, pleadings were vain.
They should have known better, those robbers so bold,
A train from Chicago in this manner to hold;
From the World's Fair these people were coming, we're told;
How could a sane person expect to find gold-
We are told they had no gold.
The coaches all were loaded when the robbers did begin:
Wny did they never pause to think where the people all had been;
From the porter they made quite a haul, of money left he had it all,
Although each coach with passengers was loaded.
There's Cleveland, our leader, by whom we're controlled,
Called Congress together, special session to hold;
He had an idea, when the issue was polled.
To demonetize silver and utilize gold;
Now he holds that opinion, the same as of yore,
But each day the Senate makes Grover feel sore,
And all night with the baby he travels the floor,
Now he has that tired feeling you've heard of before;
Alas, by Jove! it's hard on Grove.
He didn't know 'twas loaded, I guess he knows it now;
Silver had a few friends left, who made an awful row;
Now Grover occupies a seat several miles from Easy Street-
He didn't know the silver men were loaded.
Now there's the Valkyrie, a vessel of note,
Dunraven thought her the best yacht afloat-
All England agreed 'twas a wonderful boat.
And our chance of winning indeed seemed remote.
We constructed a vessel over here on this side-
All American vessel, American's pride-
And when the great day for the contest arrived,
The Vigilant won it and never half tried-
The race was sailed, England wailed.
They didn't know 'twas loaded when they sailed across the sea,
But there's no doubt about it now, as England must agree,
America the cup retains-they had their trouble for their pains-
They didn't know the Vigilant was loaded.
We might ask, with that glorious writer of fame,
Who put the interrogative, ' What's in a name? "
Thus might we question, "Why say foot-ball game,
When to smash, mash And mangle seems to be their sole aim?"
You will kindly indulge me if I mention to-night
Yale's recent ambition, flying high like a kite;
Worthy foemen were they, and put up a strong fight,
But the Princeton lads' playing was away out of sight-
The boys in blue met their Waterloo.
They didn't know 'twas loaded-Hinkey said, "We'll all stand pat";
But when that rush-line broke on them, he groaned, "Where am I at?"
For Princeton played like demons then Yale sighs to think what might
They didn't know the Tiger lads were loaded.
History repeats itself o'er and o'er,
Events happen now much the same as of yore;
If in history pages you chance to explore
You'll discover that England was whipped once before.
In a like manner, Mitchell, at a more recent day.
Came o'er to do battle in much the same way,
To whip our whole nation, if we believe what they say;
But he went up against it, and his trip didn't pay;
When he got that blow his cake was dough.
He didn't know 'twas loaded, for he travelled on his gall;
Though he claimed to have excursion rates on knowing how to maul;
Put up a bluff, he was out for blood-he got it, too, and his name is mud-
He didn't know that Corbett's fist was loaded.