UP TO DATE.
By Henry C. Burns.
'Twas in a dream the other night, some strange sights met my view,
And some of the most novel ones I will relate to you.
Within a city grand I stood, whose poor no taxes paid,
The work was light, the wages good, in every class and grade.
No thought of credit system there, no need to keep a slate,
The people all had cash to spare, and paid their bills to date,
Their liquors all were over proof, no license there or such,
The people drank it with their meals, well, something like the Dutch.
No Blue laws nor informing boards, no large funereal bill,
Of doctors there I never heard, with physic sure to kill.
The people lived a ripe old age, at least they so relate,
And what they wrote on hist'ry's page was generally up to date.
No plumber e'er was known to thrive In that progressive town,
A large reward, dead or alive, he soon was done up brown.
Old maids or widows there were none allowed upon the street,
And so they married, everyone, their tempers all were sweet.
Young maids at sunrise, full of bliss, swung on their papa's gate;
The young men made a note of this, and married up to date.
Divorce courts and all such affairs they dumped into the sea,
Marital happiness was theirs, and all were sorrow free.
Rich lawyers there were simply none, for law was not required
Their preacher sermons all were short, and never made one tired.
No one dare say "I told you so," they ne'er allow such prate
For everything they said and did was always up to date.
Both men and maids were honor true, their hearts were quite sincere,
And what they said was law to you, with ne'er a cause to fear,
For every person's word was law, as true and tried as gold,
And no one ever found a flaw, no matter what was told.
Low rents with cozy homes so fair, food sold at normal rate;
No millionaires or poor men there, for all were up to date.
Chicago was the city's name, the year two-thousand-ten,
The census taker counting came four millions with his pen.
Grand airway coaches swept the breeze, from Europe, Asia, Spain.
The once great problems, air and seas, were taught to children plain.
America was one vast hive, illustrious and great,
For everything its people did was always up to date.
Dame Fashion died long e'er that day, Dame Grundy, too, expired,
And no one made a grand display, though gracefully attired.
No hats or bonnets scraped the skies, no hoop skirts, bag-legged pants;
No dudes nor dudelets to despise, no Pharisaim cant:
Humility, truth, patience, love, was the prime, essential, state,
And those whose souls imbibed therefrom were truly up to date.