American Old Time Song Lyrics: 39 When Mosquitoes Cackle

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 39

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Copyright, 1877, by White. Smith & Co.
Words and Music by Ned Sletwa.

A woman, a beauty it was, sir, a dashing, bewitching young elf,
So tender and sweet in her manner that you'd like to wed her yourself;
I sought out my darling papa, my secret to him I then broke-
Be stroked his long whiskers a while, then softly these words he spoke:

"When mosquitoes cackle, when the chickens bark,
When the dogs all whistle, marching through the park;
When a girl is shy, sir, when the horses fly, sir,
When the ocean's dry, sir, you may marry her.

At my bad luck I then nothing daunted, quickly sought out the lady's mamma,
For badly was I disappointed at the answer obtained from papa;
I begged, I beseeched, I entreated-" Oh, give me the woman I crave."
Through her eyeglasses blue she squinted, and this is the answer she gave:

"When the trees are dancing, when the houses walk,
When the fish wear dress coats, when the turtles talk;
When all the fools are dead, sir, when all the maids are wed, sir,
When that pimple is a head, sir, you may marry her."

At this I was terribly flustered, I nearly lost all of my hope,
But up to the girl I then blustered to try to urge her to elope;
She blushed as I popped her the question, "My darling, when shall we be wed?"
She laid her head down on my shoulder And prettily, poutingly said:

"When every man is honest, when every girl is true,
When every bee's a hornet, when every eye is blue;
When hens for eggs lay pearls, sir, when your wire mustache curls, sir,
When all my beaux are girls, sir, I will marry you."

Two years found me still a bachelor, but In luxury now I rolled,
For two years of good luck and labor left me with plenty of gold.
I was sitting one day in my office when a lady stepped in at the door,
She lifted her vail-'twas the charmer I would marry just two years before.

"When money is not wanted, when beggars wear fine clothes,
When-----is mayor, when theatres all close;
When this song is never sung, miss, when Pa and Ha are hung, miss,
When you can hold your tongue, miss, I will marry you."
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