They Wanted Me to Take His Place.
Copyright, 1893, by Spaulding & Korder.
Words and Music by Wm. B. Glenroy.
Now do not get offended, please, because I start to sing.
For if I hadn't come out here this curtain down they'd ring:.
The man who ought to sing this song, inside was taken sick;
As I was standing idle there, they grubbed me very quick.
For they wanted me to take his place and do the best I could;
They said go on and sing the song- I told them that I would;
They're standing there to watch me now, my actions just to see;
They said you can't get more than killed-how pleasant that would be.
Old P. T. Barnum's great big show is in an awful stew;
They lost their curiosity and don't know what to do.
It happened just a week ago, and how they wept and cried
When through the crowd it quickly spread, the big baboon had died.
And they wanted me to take his place and do the best I could,
And be locked in a great big cage, with monkeys bad and good;
They'd call me "Crowley" No.2 - the kids stick pins in me:
They'd feed me candies and peanuts-how pleasant that would be.
McCarty and McCloskey, too, had matched their dogs to fight;
They posted $50 each to fight for Friday night;
We all went out to Cody's place-McCarty's dog was there,
But they couldn't find McCloskey nor his "bull pup" anywhere.
And they wanted me to take his place and do the best I could;
They said, "Go in, my boy, and win; we know your pluck is good";
They tried to make me strip my Coat and fight the dog. you see;
He'd eat my eyes, my nose and ears -how pleasant that would be.
My sister had a policy upon her husband's life;
He ran away and left her broke-a disappointed wife.
She said if he were only dead the insurance she could claim;
So she bought a coffin, and on it she had engraved his name.
And she wanted me to take his place, and do the best I could
To play off dead and be nailed up in a coffin made of wood.
And when the mourners had all gone, she said she'd let me free;
Perhaps she might forget it though-how pleasant that would be.