American Old Time Song Lyrics: 37 Never Again

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 37

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Revised by T. H. Tooker. Sung by Tony Pastor.

How often we hear old married fogies declare.
If they could only live over again,
They'd never get wed, but remain single instead.
And In life play a different game;
They say matrimony's a "bluff," of it they've had quite enough,
A man to get married is Insane;
But let them talk as they may, still I'll venture to say,
If they were single they'd marry again.

Spoken-Look at the married man after his day's toil; he rushes home to
his family and his evening meal, which is accompanied by the baby screaming
the roof off. He says, "What an Idiot a man must be to marry!" The wife
(with tears in her eyes) says, "If I were to die to-morrow. John, you'd get
married in a month." To which he replies:

Never again, love, never again;
Smiles are bewitching and women are vain;
Of course, it's no use now for me to complain.
But, you can bet your sweet life, I'll never try it again.

How awfully bewitching the ladles usually are
Whenever they want a new dress:
To their "hubbies "they go with a sad tale of woe,
And, no doubt, you can all guess the rest.
The husband, poor jay, to a dry-goods store is carted away,
To see how much money she'll waste,
But when they arrive at the shop, out in the street he must stop,
Just because be has got such poor taste.

Spoken-Poor devil! the wife orders twenty yards of silk at $3 a yard, while
he stands out in the street, with the rain wetting him to the skin And the wind
blowing threw his whiskers at the rate of a mile a minute. When his wife gets
through shopping the old boy goes home, singing:

Never again, love, never again
Will I go out shopping with you in the rain;
Of course, it's no use now for me to complain,
But I'll tell you, dear Mary, it gives me a pain.

Sweet honeymoons, yes, and connubial bliss,
Are all very nice, I dare say;
But how many couples we see who cannot agree,
And are quarrelling and fighting all day.
The wife says she'll go to her mamma, you know;
And thus from a brute she'll be free.
Says the husband, with a smile, "Go and stay with her awhile,
But don't bring her here to see me.
Spoken-After a few minutes of silence (there's always a calm after a storm,
you know) they kiss each other, and vow that they'll never allow their angry
passions to arise again. The wife lays her head artfully on his shoulder, And
says: "John, dear, you won't say that my face would freeze hot water again,
will you, darling?" He, in an instant, says:

Never again, love, never again;
I'm sorry I said it, yes, I am Mary Jane;
Of course, it's no use now for you to complain,
For I'll pledge you my word I'll never say that again.
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E-Book - An Annotated Compendium of Old Time American Songs by James Alverson III