THE FAMOUS KEELEY CURE.
Copyright, 1892, by Frank Harding.
Words and Music by James W. Thornton.
Behold in me a mortal who was very fond of drink.
And more than once, I must admit, was at destructions brink;
My friends advised me for to go and try the Keely cure,
But sad to say, I couldn't just because I was too poor.
But soon I realized enough to take me there, I thought.
And after having a farewell drink my railroad ticket bought;
I went there like a broken swell, that is, so I've been told,
But in the morning I was full of bichloride of gold.
They filled me full of old gold rings, gold watches and gold chains,
The whiskey that they fed me on was made from golden grains;
For breakfast I had goldfish, I was eighteen karat pure,
Ah! those were golden moments when I took the Keeley cure.
I soon had lost all thirst for drink, I tell you I felt fine,
When I left there I was full of gold as a California mine;
My mind was full of golden thoughts, there was gold dust on my shoes,
My hirsute growth had golden fringe, I was full of golden booze.
Pawnbrokers they would watch for me whenever I'd pass by,
Thinking I would pawn myeelf, but I winked the other eye;
Every Hebrew in the city became drunkards, so I'm told,
Not because they wanted it, but just to get the gold.
There was lots of gold inside of me, but it I couldn't spend,
So I went to Uncle Isaac and asked how much on me he'd lend.
He loaned me fifty dollars, then put me up the spout,
But no one would redeem me, so in three months I ran out.
My life became a burden soon, no matter where I ran,
Dime musem managers chased me, saying, there's money in that man;
And a hundred undertakers followed closely, so 'tis said,
Saying they'd bury me for nothing if'I only would drop dead.
The gang then stood me on my head to see the gold run out,
And twenty dollar pieces kept flowing from my mouth;
They shook out every dollar until I became as poor
As the day before I went to take the famous Keeley cure.