Promise that You'll Never Tell.
Copyright, 1891, by Willis Woodward & Co.
Words and Music by Edgar Seldon.
Now isn't it a pity, in a city large as this,
In spite of law and order, how things will go amiss?
How accidents will happen, politicians go astray?
And some brand new sensation occurs most every day.
What are we going to do, boys? what is the world coming to?
Really we're growing so wicked that I am afraid, aren't you?
Good people now are so precious, do let us try to keep well;
And whatever I say, in my innocent way, why, promise that you'll never tell.
Why is it at the seaside, when the billows rush and roar,
You'll find the lovely maidens reclining on the shore?
Is it 'cause they are so timid? oh, no! for they're too cute,
They merely wish to stun you with their three-ounce bathing suit.- Chorus.
Why are our young girls anxious with some foreign lord to wed,
Who hasn't half a nickel, whom she'll support instead?
I wonder why their brothers, too, the British customs ape
And try to wear an eye-glass 'till their face is out of shape. - Chorus.
When Hayseed Green comes into town he starts out for a lark,
And in the gayest places you'll find him after dark;
He soon makes friends with Bunco Bill, then comes a game of "hearts,"
And Bunco Bill with Hayseed's cash skips out for unknown parts.- Chorus.
A bashful youth once loved a lass, and "Crystal" was her name,
He wooed her, won her, made her his, while cupid fanned the flame.
But, now, when he comes from the lodge, braced up with fine old "Scotch,'1
The name of "Crystal" fits her well, she's always on the "watch." - Chorus.
How oft on winter evenings when the baby has the croup,
You'll smother exclamations like, I wish him in the soap;
And as you pace your bed-room floor with him at dead of night,
You jam a tack 'way in your foot and howl with wild delight.- Chorus.
I've searched for encore verses, and for topics old and aew,
'Till in an awful flurry I've extemporized a few.
I'd like to keep on singing if some pleasure it affords.
And I'll do it, If you'll get me a new set of vocal chords.- Chorus.