American Old Time Song Lyrics: 33 There's No Deception There I
Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 33
THERE'S NO DECEPTION THERE.I
Written and Composed by Felix McGlennon.
This world's made up of frauds and shams,
You really can't deny it, you know it;
Every one tells me little fibs and crams,
Good old Ananias-like they go it.
There's little Miss Prim got a red, red nose-
How was it caused is the question;
Ask Miss Prim, she will tell you, with a sigh,
It's all through indigestion.
But there's no deception there-no deception there-
It isn't indigestion, that I'll swear; good "Old Tom" has been there.
There's Mr. Meek, just two years wed,
he looks as if his heart was "busted";
He's been heard to say he wishes he were dead-
With married life he seems to be disgusted.
He's got no hair on the top of his head;
He's getting bald in a hurry.
Ask Mr. Meek what has caused the shiny pate,
He'll say it's business worry.
But there's no deception there-no deception there'Tisn't business worry, that I'll swear; his good old wife has been there.
There's a big fat cook down in Pimlico,
She's the pride of master and missus,
But last night there was such a row,
Both of them said, "Oh! a nice thing this is-"
A chicken and some lamb from the pantry gone.
The cook was, oh, so fussy;
When they asked her who had eaten them.
She blamed it on the pussy.
But there's no deception there-no deception there'Twasn't pussy ate the chicken, I'll swear; good old "slop" has been there.
There's poor Henpeck I met to-day,
His eyes seemed very red with weeping.
"Good gracious!" I exclaimed, "Why those briny tears?
Down your cheeks like rain-drops they are creeping."
Said he, "My mother-in-law has died to-day,
To brighter realms she's departed;
She has left me a thousand pounds or so.
With grief I'm broken-hearted."
But there's no deception there-no deception there'Twasn't grief that caused those tears, I'll swear;
a good old onion's been there.
For sake of fashion, what things we do;
The ladies-bless their hearts-paint and powder;
I hear some men wear stays to make themselves look slim;
To be considered stout some are prouder.
My fine proportions are all my own.
At me the people can't snicker;
Though some skeptics keep telling me that I
Must pad to have such a "figger."
But there's no deception there-no deception there
Not a little bit of padding, I swear; good roast-beef has been there.