THERE'S NO DECEPTION THERE.I
Written and Composed by Felix McGlennon.
This world's made up of frauds and shams,
You really can't deny it, you know it;
Every one tells me little fibs and crams,
Good old Ananias-like they go it.
There's little Miss Prim got a red, red nose-
How was it caused is the question;
Ask Miss Prim, she will tell you, with a sigh,
It's all through indigestion.
But there's no deception there-no deception there-
It isn't indigestion, that I'll swear; good "Old Tom" has been there.
There's Mr. Meek, just two years wed,
he looks as if his heart was "busted";
He's been heard to say he wishes he were dead-
With married life he seems to be disgusted.
He's got no hair on the top of his head;
He's getting bald in a hurry.
Ask Mr. Meek what has caused the shiny pate,
He'll say it's business worry.
But there's no deception there-no deception there'Tisn't business worry, that I'll swear; his good old wife has been there.
There's a big fat cook down in Pimlico,
She's the pride of master and missus,
But last night there was such a row,
Both of them said, "Oh! a nice thing this is-"
A chicken and some lamb from the pantry gone.
The cook was, oh, so fussy;
When they asked her who had eaten them.
She blamed it on the pussy.
But there's no deception there-no deception there'Twasn't pussy ate the chicken, I'll swear; good old "slop" has been there.
There's poor Henpeck I met to-day,
His eyes seemed very red with weeping.
"Good gracious!" I exclaimed, "Why those briny tears?
Down your cheeks like rain-drops they are creeping."
Said he, "My mother-in-law has died to-day,
To brighter realms she's departed;
She has left me a thousand pounds or so.
With grief I'm broken-hearted."
But there's no deception there-no deception there'Twasn't grief that caused those tears, I'll swear;
a good old onion's been there.
For sake of fashion, what things we do;
The ladies-bless their hearts-paint and powder;
I hear some men wear stays to make themselves look slim;
To be considered stout some are prouder.
My fine proportions are all my own.
At me the people can't snicker;
Though some skeptics keep telling me that I
Must pad to have such a "figger."
But there's no deception there-no deception there
Not a little bit of padding, I swear; good roast-beef has been there.