A happy, careless chap am I, and boast where'er I go,
That tho' I have mode many friends, I've not a single foe.
To be a genius I do not and never did pretend,
But move in good society as everybody's friend.
Spoken-And, having lots of cash,
They take me for a millionaire, my cash I freely spend.
And so I'm welcomed everywhere as everybody's friend.
A mother once with sixteen girls to me thus did apply,
Watch and protect my darling dears, so timid, young and shy.
She said, tho' once I really thought you marriage did intend,
Then a breach-of-promise action brought 'gainst everybody's friend.
Spoken- Verdict in her favor. Damages $10,000.
Moral-Avoid mother's with sixteen grown-up, gushing daughters; for.
In their desperation to get them off their hands, they'll do anything,
A married man said, "Jack, my wife and I don't quite agree."
The wife she whispered In my ear. "he treats me shamefully ";
I gave the best advice to each, and, of course, why, in the end
They made it up and kicked me out, and now I'm neither's friend.
Spoken -The husband was indignant because I took her part: and the wife,
precisely for the same reason, called me a nasty wretch, but I don't care, for-
A friend of mine once bought a house somewhere close to Rye,
And meeting me one day, said he, "A fool I was to buy -
The walls are dump, the windows shake, and burglars oft attend;
Dear Jack, do take it off my hands, you're everybody's friend."
Spoken-I did. and I hadn't been in the house three nights before burglars
broke in and took every stick I had, and the last ruffian, as he descended the
stairs and got outside of the house, looked up to me at the window and said:
"I say, old boy," -
We took you for a millionaire, your cash we'll freely spend,
And so you're welcomed everywhere as everybody's friend.