You Press the Button, We Do the Rest.
Copyright, 1891, by Willis Woodward & Co.
Words by Webster C. Fulton. Music by W. S. Mallaly.
We're living at a rapid pace, I vow.
These times are filled with fancies strange and queer,
Electric snaps are now familiar things.
New wonders great are bobbing up each year.
In olden days for pictures they would sit
In attitude like this-an awful guy,
But nowadays the Kodak changes that,
And photographs are captured on the fly.
Isn't it simple? isn't it quick?
Such a small box, it must be a trick;
How do you work it? what is the test?
You press the button, we do the rest.
No longer is a cottage small our home.
Apartment buildings come to take their place;
We all before the janitor bow down;
The elevator boy's the toughest case;
He's always down when you are at the top;
When you're in haste, he's reading or asleep;
You ring an hour, and then an hour you wait;
You swear, and he replies, well, walkin's cheap.
Isn't it tiresome? Isn't it slow?
He makes you wait above or below;
Oh, what a nuisance, oh, what a pest;
You press the button, he takes a rest.
Last week I traveled far into the West,
To Iowa And Kansas both I went.
And plainly saw how prohibition works,
'Twas funny just as an experiment.
A hotel man may keep a stock of drugs,
And when the thirsty pilgrim seeks the bar.
The clerk, with many smiles, will read the rules
As posted on the door-and there you are.
One ring for water, two rings for ice,
Three for a lemon, or sugar or spice;
Don't give the snap away, this their request;
You press the button, they do the rest.
The art of making love they've tried to change,
Like other things, the old style was to slow;
In learning it the girls are smarter far,
Reduced it to a science fine, you know;
And yet a youth can always hold his own.
Give him but half a chance to fight the case;
The end's now reached in record-breaking time,
And finished quickly is the shorter chase.
Two in the parlor, light very low,
One chair between them, how can he go?
How does he win her? you know, I guess;
He'll press the maiden, she answers yes.