The Goblins in the Church-Yard.
Copyright, 1890, by Harding Brothers.
Words by M. Cavanagh. Music by Walter Hastings.
I went down to the Hoffman House, stopped there till I got tight,
At twelve the bouncer put me out, I bade, my friends good-night;
They all refused to see me home, I thought this rather hard,
"I staggered on alone till I got lost in a church-yard,
I stumbled o'er the grave-stones till I heard a noise close by,
I turned, "Oh, Lord!" a dozen ghosts in white then met my eye.
My hair stood up, my knees gave way, they filled me with alarm,
For each ghost had his coffin-lid tucked underneath his arm.
Some of the ghosts were short, some of the ghosts were tall;
There they sat in a ghostly row on top of the church-yard wall;
They all gave a loud, "ha, ha' "They all gave a loud, "ho, ho!"
I said good-night a dozen times, but they would not let me go.
One of the ghosts began to speak, down on my knees I fell.
He said that in life I always preached that there was not a he--,
Wherever I was billed to speak I always drew a crowd;
In fact, I was a favorite before I wore a shroud;
I had a splendid funeral, And right here let me say,
That even now on earth they mourn the good man gone away,
I wish that I were back again, I'd quickly change my role,
For where I am it's much too warm for Robert Ingersoll.- Chorus.
A dry-goods salesman's ghost was there, and. with a girlish squeak.
He said in life I used to get four dollars every week
For showing ladies' dress-goods, but he vanished like a flash
When all the other ghosts at him began to holloa "cash!"
I knew a row was brewing, for 'twas plain the ghosts were vexed,
because a barber spook got up and loudly shouted "next!"
They threw their coffin-lids at him and chased him in his grave,
Twas force of habit, he'd forgot that ghosts don't need a shave.-Chorus.
The next one on the programme was a goblin lean and tall.
An exiled boodler's ghost that just arrived from Montreal,
Said he excuse me if I'm late, of course, you know, that I
Can only get a chance to come and see you on the sly;
At this the other phantoms laughed as if they'd have a fit,
And woke a sheriff's ghost, who'd left his grave to serve a writ;
The moment that the boodler saw the sheriff off he flew.
He did not even wait to bid the other ghosts adieu.- Chorus.
A female ghost stood on the wall and waved her bony paw,
I shivered, for I saw 'twas my departed mother-in-law.
The other ghosts got mad with rage, would not hear her at all,
I grabbed a near-by goblin's skull and knocked her off the wall,
What followed after this I can't remember very well;
Next day when I awoke I found myself locked in a cell,
I went before a magistrate, on me he fixed his gaze-
Found in a grave-yard crazy drunk, we'll give you thirty days.- Chorus.