The Steak That Never Came.
Written by Thos. P. Getz
Tune- "The letter that Never Came."
Last night I had ten cents, in a restaurant I went
To eat, for I was hungry as a bear;
The cashier sized me up as I went in to sup,
And the waiter handed me the bill of fare;
I looked it o'er and o'er, there were things there by the score,
Steaks and chops and every kind of game;
I ordered a small steak and the paper I did take
To sit and read, and wait until it came.
Oh, would it be made of leather, that has stood out in the weather?
After eating, would It make me gripe with pain?
I waited there an hour that small steak to devour,
But the steaklet that I longed for never came.
The waiter rushed about, down the dummy he would shout,
"Where is the steak I ordered long ago?"
Then around the place he'd skate, And the people had to wait
For the cook to send the things up from below;
then he murmured, "Waiter, here, will you kindly try and steer
That steak to me before I die in pain?"
I was almost out of breath, I was nearly starved to death,
While waiting for that steak that never came.
You could hear the codfish ball, and the cockroaches would crawl
. Around the pies till they were limp and lame;
When the butter got a chance it would do a song and dance.
Mill the steaklet that I looked for never came.
They had Boston pork and beans, that were ripped down at the seams;
They had doughnuts that had laid there many days;
They had different kinds of pies, that were frescoed o'er with fliea,
And they dished them up as currents to the jays;
They brought me a plate of hash, that was growing a moustache,
I cut its hair And shaved it with a plane;
It's a wonder I survived, it's a wonder I'm alive,
And I'm glad the steak I ordered never came.
I paid my little bill and my heart with joy did fill
When I found myself upon the street again;
The odor it was fearful, And I was sad and tearful,
But I'm glad the little steaklet never came.