The Letter That Came Too Soon.
Tune- "The Letter That Never Came."
Sung by Tony Pastor.
A letter here for you?
Then his wife so angry grew,
When the postman handed her a note, one day,
He turned green and blue and white,
And his legs they shook with fright,
While he hung his head, and tried to sneak away;
But his wife "veiled "can it be,
You old wretch, you're false to me?
And she flew at him as crazy as a loon;
For she read the pretty name,
Of some fascinating dame,
And he cursed his luck, that letter came too soon.
Oh! you old bald-headed duffer,
She cried, I'll make you suffer.
With a broom upon his crown she played a tune;
When he sought his couch that night,
He was just an awful sight,
For the letter that he looked for came too soon.
He had waited long to hear
From a dizzy little dear,
But the postman always met him with a wink-,
He had seen her at the play,
In the ballet, light and gay,
And she knew that ancient masher had the chink.
So he wrote her on the sly,
And he waited her reply,
Just as happy as a bug in sunny June;
Then he murmured, surely she,
Won't make a "guy " of me,
But her letter, oh, her letter came too soon.
Oh! his wife brought down her mother,
And their rage he tried to smother;
But his head was swelled as big as a balloon,
For they wiped the floor with him,
From the morn 'till twilight dim.
Yes, the letter that he longed for came too soon.
Now, to plays he doesn't go,
Just to "mash " in the front row,
For the fairies in the ballet, he don't care,
And he doesn't pen a note,
With the glee that once he wrote,
So the postman don't call very often there.
His head is plastered "round,"
And his jaw is neatly hound.
From the mantle-piece, he eats, and with a spoon,
Many years will pass, they say,
Ere he'll quite forget the day,
When the letter that he longed for came too soon.
Oh' the air was thick with boot-jacks,
He dodged a dozen hayracks,
And he thought he was a poor gone coon,
If the postman had been "fly,"
He'd have brought it on the sly,
But the letter that he looked for came too soon.