American Old Time Song Lyrics: 17 Tom Collins Is My Name

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 17

TOM COLLINS IS MY NAME.

Tom Collins is my name, my friends,
May I beg leave to state,
You've beam of me, I dare suppose,
Quite often here of late;
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere,
But rather hard to find,
So don't attempt to look me up,
Unless you're well inclined.

Spoken-I am pained to learn that so many of my friends have
been searching for me in vain. I hear that I have been inquired
for in a great number of places by many excited and hasty
individuals, who had lost their tempers in the search.
I am extremely sorry to have just missed them, but-

Chorus.
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere,
And rather hard to find,
So don't attempt to look me up,
Unless you're well inclined.

I count myself a gentleman,
Or something of the sort,
Though many seem inclined to take
Me as a common sport;
I'm willing to apologize,
And reach my hand to all
Who are inclined to wait on me,
And give a friendly call.

Spoken-Indeed. I have shed tears of sympathy for those who
have been compelled to suffer the derision of the heartless, or
stand treat on my account. I know the trials of mankind are
many, and sometimes a little expensive, but I will make it all right
with my persecuted friends it they will favor me with a visit;
but-Chorus.

I'll tell you how it is, my friends,
And you will all agree,
Some wretches without heart or soul,
Are fooling you and me.
So let us keep our tempers straight.
And take the joke as fair,
We'll get along much better, boys,
In acting on the square.

Spoken-I understand several persons are looking after me
with weapons. I am sorry for it, for I can disappear like any
ghost, and I would not wish them any unnecessary trouble. If
there are any here who have been victimized, they can call upon
me at-their convenience, and I will make amends; but-Chorus.