THE IRISH SCHOOLMASTER.
Old Teddy O'Rourke kept a bit of a school,
At a place called Clarina, and made it a rule
If the mind wouldn't mark, faith, he'd soon mark the back,
And he'd give them their own with a devilish crack.
His scholars were: Jerry, Big Billy and Ned,
With Murrogh McCarthy, Old Darby and Ted,
Tall Dermot O'Clany and Dennis O'Shea,
Faith, all noble boys to drive learning away.
Spoken-Well, my boys, says old Ted, as you are all here, I'll
just be calling your names over, to see if any of ye are missing,
Geraltl McShee.-I am not here, sir.-Then where are you, agrah?
-I'm astride of the door, sir.-Then come in. and I'll beat you.-
Corney O'Flnherty.-I'm bare, but my brother Barney ain't.-Then whera is your brother Barney?-Faith, sir, he's dead, and
they an going to wake him.-Poor fellow! I'm sorry he's gone
home, for he was my own scholar; but do you go and sit down,
and don't fall asleep, or I'll be after waking you.
Bo long life to old Teddy, For he's always ready
To kick up a row or the whisky to smack;
With drinking and eating, He's birching and beating,
And his hubaboo, philaloo, row de dow whack.
Faith, Ted had a nose as big as a ton,
And a chin, too! och, honey! but they were all one;
A grin, too, he had, and if there was a noise,
He'd just give a squint and frighten the boys;
A fortune he had, too'-his birch and his wig,
A black ugly cow, and an old dirty pig,
A pratty plantation, a dog and a cat,
And his head that he kept in an old greasy hat.
Spoken-Phelim O'Mahency, says he one day, before you r
sit down, stand up and say your alphabet; so keep your five
fingers out of your head for a few minutes, and begin. What
letter's that, sir?-I don't know, sir -Arrah! botheration to you;
what was it I said when I saw you blacking Pat Mooney's eye?-Faith, sir, you said: Ah! you big blackguard.-Well, never
mind the blackguard, but say Ah.-Ah.-Now, what letter's that?
-Faith, sir, I don't know; you ought to know better than me.-
What makes the honey, and hold your whist?-B.-That's a good
boy. Now, what kind of a half-moon thing do you call that?don't know, sir.-Och! botheration, what do I do with my eyes?-
He! he! he!-Well, what do you laugh at, sir? I ask you what?
do I do with my eyes?-You? you squint!-And what else, sir?-
You see.-That's a good boy. Now go on.-D E-F-G-H.-Well!
why do you stop?-Because I can't go any further, sir.-What
has your mother got at the corner of her nose?-A pimple, sir I
Och. my service, t'ye, sir; and what else?-One eye. Devil take
you, and don't be getting into figures now. Say I without the
one.-I without the one.-What's the next? -It's something, sir,
but I don't know what.-What docs your mother open the door
with?-A string, sir, and sometimes her foot.-Well, did you
never have anything else?-Yes, sir, K.-That's a good boy; and
now, as you have got to L (hell) you may sit down and warm