American Old Time Song Lyrics: 15 The Man That Couldn't Get Cool

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 15

The Man that Couldn't Get Cool
Tune- "King of die Cannibal Islands."

All you who love your liquor strong,
Come list, I'll not detain you long,
Unto the burden of my song,
The man that couldn't get cool.
Who brandy drank 'till he became
So hot, he seemed a walking flame,
And such a Bacchus face he got,
'Twas like a ruby red, red hot;
In midst of Wint'ry rain or snow,
If standing still or walking slow,
Looked ever in a glorious glow,
The man that couldn't get cool.

Chorus.
Smokery, fumery, flamery, phiz.
Flashery, sparkery, firework, whiz;
Jeminy cracks, how hot it is,
The man that couldn't get cool.

Great coat or cloak he never bore,
His breast was always bare before,
And collar, a la Byron, wore,
The man that couldn't get cool.
A sort of glory you might trace
Ever shining 'round his sunny face,
He glowed as if he'd run a race,
And like a stove he warmed the place;
In midst of ice he did perspire,
And whenever splashed by rain or mire,
He spat and sputted like a fire,
The man that couldn't get cool.-Chorus.

As in the fields he sometimes lay
To chill himself, his nose, they say,
Set fire to several ricks of hay,
The man that couldn't get cool.
Of course, this country soon for him
Became too hot, so he by steam
Resolved to visit the icy pole;
And while on board, for want of coal
The ship would have been forced to stop,
But in the boiler he did pop,
And thus the proper steam kept up,
The man that couldn't get cool.-Chorus.

By brandy drinking he a sight
At last became, for all a light
He walked about the polar night,
The man that couldn't get cool.
Like famed snap dragon, burning blue
He then appeared, and all the crew
Who found they could not douse his glim
Oft lit their 'baccy pipes by him;
And when the Northern lights arose,
The sailors swore the real cause
Of 'Rora Boreal is was
The man that couldn't get cool.-Chorus.

Of brandy he had shipped a store,
And hot, hot, hot, the vessel bore
Much further North than aught before,
The man that couldn't get cool.
He melted all the ice away,
And bathing in the sea each day,

He like a red hot poker hissed,
And filled the North with steamy mist;
He made the whales with heat perspire,
He boiled the fish, and in his ire
He nearly set the pole on fire,
The man that couldn't get cool.-Chorus.

To quench the flames in vain he tried,
It gradually consumed his hide,
At last of self-bustion died
The man that couldn't get cool.
Some parts of him that was unburned
Immediately to glow-worms turned;
"And some part," says old Bo'son Buss,
The doctor took for phosphorus."
The dust and ash the ship cook choosed,
And afterward he was accused,
That he for cayenne pepper used
The man that couldn't get cool-Chorus.