I Shall Never Make a Gentleman of You
I feel like a fish out of water,
Fresh caught, and just thrown on the sand;
For I've married a gentleman's daughter,
Whose ways I do not understand;
You must know that I'm rough and I'm ready,
While she is refined and polite;
And though daily I try to improve myself,
I can never do anything right.
I shall never make a gentleman of you, John,
I shall never make a gentleman of you;
For your manners and your style make everybody smile.
I shall never make a gentleman of you, John.
If I smoke a clay pipe there's a bother,
If I drink too much beer there's a row;
If I say a cross word, then her mother
Storms and goes on at me anyhow;
If I say. Look here! cheese it, "old lady!
She faints or she lays down and kicks;
And she makes such a din, that the neighbors
Come in, And I'm in a deuce of a fix.-Chorus.
Only last week I took her out shopping,
To keep myself right then I tried;
But so long in each shop she kept stopping,
While patiently I waited outside;
While there, an old friend with a barrow,
Came by and shook me by the hand,
Saving, John, boy, I think you've enough for a drink.
So what are you going to stand?-Chorus.
To a ball we one day were invited,
So off with the missus I goes;
And thinking that I might be slighted,
I put on some extra good clothes;
My red coat and trousers looked nobby,
And thinking to show them what's what,
I'd a tie that was pink, calculated, I think,
To strike them all dumb on the spot.-Chorus.