GHOST OF BENJAMIN BINNS.
Keep your seats, if you please, and don't be afraid,
I'm only a ghost, a poor, harmless shade;
I would not hurt any one here if I could,
And you couldn't do me much harm if you would.
Knives will not stab me, nor shots through me fly,
But, oh! the experiment please do not try:
It's not for myself that I care, not at all,
I'm only afraid you might "damage the wall.
I'm the ghost of John James Christopher Benjamin Binns,
I was cut down right in the midst of my sins;
For my home is down below,
I'm let out for an hour or so;
When the cock begins to crow,
Farewell! Benjamin Binns.
When I lived on this earth my wife often said,
If I should die first she'd never get wed,
To-night I called on her, through keyholes I crept,
If ghosts could have tears, I'm sure I'd have wept.
A man held my wife in his tender embrace,
She called him her hubby, he'd taken my place;
To make matters worse, and to crown all my woes.
The fellow was wearing my best Sunday clothes.
Spoken-The gas was full on-she could not see me-but I was
determined she should hear me, so I said: Hold mortal piece of
flesh! She shrieked, and held the mantelpiece; then in a sepulchral
tone I said:-Chorus.
I'll try to forget my false-hearted wife.
And give you a plan of my present life;
I get good engagements, with cash in advance,
Attending the spiritualist's midnight séance.
I rap at the tables and kick up such scenes,
I ring clanging bells and I bang tambourines;
If Maskelyne says "ghosts are bosh," he is wrong,
For if he comes near me, he'll smell spirits quite strong.
Spoken-And I'm willing to prove that Maskelyne and Feminine
know nothing of the "Cooke "shop below; and as for their spirits,
they only exist in two-pen-'orths-and I expect a drink presently.
But I have done with frivolity now, no more will I frivol downthere; No, I have big engagements, I played "The Ghost "at the
theatre to Booth's "Hamlet," but I did not stick to the text of
Shakespeare; no, I modernized it; and you should have been there
when Hamlet says: Hold, who art thou? speak! I will go no
farther; and I say: Hamlet! Hamlet!-Chorus.