Oh, they call me Simple Simon, though my name is Simon Snip,
I saved a little money, so I took a little trip;
Go where I will, do what I may, it always is the same,
For, without an introduction, people seem to know my name
For they say, Simon; (that is what you say to me),
And judging from your smiles around, what a Simon I must be!
Oh, my name it seems familiar, and they say with a grin,
And they treat me like a Simon, for they always take me in
Oh, I thought that I could fancy a lady in Broadway,
I don't think it was Nancy, though she tried to do the gay,
We went into the country, where she made the driver tight,
When she took away my money, and the driver wished to fight;
And he said, Simon, and came a squaring up to me,
Come on, said he, if you're a man, what a Simon I should be!
He was big enough to eat me, I did not wish to stay,
For to fasten such a cannibal, so Simon ran away.
I went to Niblo's Garden to see the White Fawn,
When I quickly found that from my fob my watch was being drawn;
I called, Police! they turned me out for making such a noise;
I fancy I still hear the voice of all the little boys.
Saying, Simon! and did no at me,
For any one to lose a watch, it is such a jolly spree;
There's nothing half so funny, as a watch and chain to lose,
Misfortune to a little man is sure for to amuse.
I looked in vain, for I could not find the author of the crime,
I found that looking for my watch was only losing time;
I said, now my poor tick will stop, now my old ticker's gone,
When I felt a hand upon me drop, and a bobby said, Move on!
Simon, come, move along! said he, a robbery upon my beat,
I am sure there could not be;
You simple looking Simon, now march! I say,
On every beat that I'm upon all thieves must run away.
I called on Mr.----and begged he'd let me sing,
When he said, Ah, Simple Simon, I shall do no such thing;
He thought my application a simple bit of chaff,
But I gained the situation because I made him laugh.
And he said, Simon: (these words he said to me),
If you can only make them laugh, that is all I want to see;
This is your servant, Simon, the gratitude I feel,
Words can't express his sentiments, so listen to his heels.