Just keep your seats awhile
And I will tell to you,
Of the love I used to feel for
A gal named Duck-foot Sue;
She wa9 gentle And divine,
Long-waisted in the feet;
Her heel stuck out behind,
Like an eighteen karat beet.
So now I'll tell to you of the
Gal I loved so true;
She was second-hand mate in a
Chinese laundry out in Kalamazoo.
Her beauty was all that she had,
She was built like a North River shad;
She'd an India-rubber lip, like the rudder of a ship,
With a razor she was bad.
She wasn't very fat.
Or either very thin;
She looked, when she was dressed,
Like a straw in a barrel of gin.
I took her to the ball
Of the Hardly Able Club,
It cost a ten-case note
For to fill her up with grub.
She'd an eye like a hard-shell clam,
And a voice like a catamaran;
She could chin for an hour at a forty-horse power,
And an ear like a Japanese tan.
Her hair was an indigo blue,
She was as graceful as a kangaroo;
You ought to hear her rustle with her patent leather bustle.
She could whistle like a steamboat, too.
But since she ran away,
I've almost lost my breath;
If she travels on her shape,
She's sure to starve to death.
If I had married her,
I'd almost been afraid
Of being shot or scalped
By the mother-in-law brigade.
For she was a funny old guy,
With a double-barreled squint in her eye;
Her number ten feet used to cover up the street,
She'd a mouth like a crack in a pie.
She'd a cheerful cemetery laugh,
And a head like a Mexican calf;
When she'd cry, you'd think she'd died,
This gal who was so fond of her half-and half.