They'd None of Them be Missed.
From "The Mikado."
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list-I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed-
Who never would be missed !
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs-
All people who have flabby hands and irritating langlis-
All children who are up in dates and floor you with them flat-
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that-
And all persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insistThey'd none of them be missed
They'd none of them be missed!
There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race.
And the piano organist-I've got him on the list-
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face-
They never would be missed-
They never would be missed !
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and ev'ry country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy.
And who "doesn't think she waltzes, but would rather like to try,"
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist-
I don't think she'd be missedI'm sure she'd not be missed!
And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife-
The judicial humorist-I've got him on my list;
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private lifeThey'd none of them be missed
They'd none of them be missed !
And apologetic statesmen of the compromising kind,
Such as What-d'ye-call-him, Thing'embob, also Never-mind,
And 'St-st-st, and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who-
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rattier leave to you;
But it really don't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of them be missedThey'd none of them be missed !