IF I WAS THE PRESIDENT.
Sung by Marlow and Regan.
If I was the President just for a day,
I'd have things as I liked, you can bet;
I'd invite all the old maids that's up town living out,
And for each one a husband I'd get.
I'd rent Tammany Hall, I'd invite one and all,
To hear John Kelly his talents display;
I'd have Roscoe Conkling riding a donkey,
If I only had my own way.
I'd have Central Park in the day time made dark,
So the girls could go sparking all day;
So their fathers and mothers, and big-fisted brothers,
Could not hear or see what they say.
I'd make all Michael Feeneys and Baxter Street Sheeneys,
To the bums their old clothes give away;
I'd throw open the doors of saloons to the poor.
If I was President just for a day.
I'd throw all the Chinamen into the dump;
The Italians would pick no more buts;
I'd put limburger cheese in the policemen's pockets,
I'd colonize Hester Street with the Dutch.
I'd fill Harry Hill full of cod liver pills;
The dudes on the Bowery should pay
Twenty-five cents a week, for wearing women's corsets,
If I was the President just for a day.