American Old Time Song Lyrics: 04 The Steam Arm

Theater, Music-Hall, Nostalgic, Irish & Historic Old Songs, Volume 4

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THE STEAM ARM.
By H. V. Smith.

Oh! wonders sure will never cease,
While works of art do so increase- 
No matter whether in war or peace,
Men can do whatever they please.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

A curious tale I will unfold
To all of you, as I was told,
About a soldier stout and bold,
Whose wife, 'tis said, was an arrant scold.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

At Waterloo he lost an arm,
Which gave him pain and great alarm;
But he soon got well, and grew quite calm,
For a shilling a day was a sort of balm.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

The story goes: on every night,
His wife would bang him left and right;
So he determin'd out of spite,
To have an arm, cost what it might.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

He went at once, strange it may seem,
To have one made, to work by steam;
For a ray of hope began to gleam,
That force of arms would win her esteem.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

The limb was finish'd and fixed unto
His stump of a shoulder, neat and true,
You'd have thought it there by nature grew.
For it stuck to its place as tight as glue.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c

He started home and knock'd at the door,
His wife her abuse began to pour;
He turn'd a small peg, and before
He'd time to think, she fell on the floor.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

With policemen soon his room was fill'd.
But every one he nearly kill'd;
For the soldier's arm had been so drill'd,
That once in action, it couldn't be still'd.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

They took him at once before the mayor-
His arm kept moving all the while there;
The mayor cried, "Shake your fist if you dare!"
When the steam arm knock'd him out of his chair.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

This rais'd in court a bit of clamor,

The arm going on like an auctioneer's hammer;
It fell in weight like a pavior's rammer,
And many with fear began to stammer,
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

He was lock'd in a cell from doing harm.
To satisfy those who had still a qualm;
When, all at once, they had an alarm,
Down fell the walls and out popp d the arm.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c

He soon escap'd and reach'd his door,
And knock'd by steam-raps half a score,
But as the arm in power grew more and more,
Bricks, mortar, and wood soon strew'd the floor.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

With eagerness he stepp'd over each chair,
Popp'd into his room-his wrfe was there;
"Oh, come to my arms!" she cried, " my dear;"
When his steamer smash'd the crockery-ware.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.

He left his house at length outright
And wanders about just like a sprite;
For he can't keep still, either day or night.
For his arm keeps moving with two-horse might.
Ri too ral loo ral, &c.
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