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Nine Inch Will Please a Lady 
Nine Inch Will Please a Lady (Robert Burns) 
Come rede me dame, come tell me dame, My dame come tell me truly, What length o' graith when weel ca'd hame Will sair a woman duly?" The carlin clew her wanton tail, Her wanton tail sae ready, "l learn'd a sang in Annandale, Nine inch will please a lady." 
"But for a koontrie c*** like mine, In sooth we're not sae gentle; We'll tak tway thumb-bread to the nine, And that is a sonsy pintle. Oh, Leeze me on, my Charlie lad, I'll ne'er forget my Charlie, Tway roaring handfuls and a daud He nidged it in fu' rarely." 
But wear fa' the laithron doup And may it ne'er be thriving, It's not the length that makes me loup But it's the double drivin. Come nidge me Tom, come nidge me Tom Come nidge me, o'er the nyvel Come lowse an lug your battering ram And thrash him at my gyvel! 
graith=gear, equipment; clew=scratched, fondled; tway thum-bread=two thumb-breadths; sonsy=healthy; daud=a lump, a bit; laithron=lazy; doup=rump; gyvel=gateway.