Tristan and Isolda
Isolda was an Irish queen who always spoke in German,
Though why she canned her native tongue I never could determine.
King Mark had heard about her charms from people who had met her,
And so he sent Sir Tristan out to Ireland for to get her.
Isolda she was loath to go, she did not want to marry,
And all the way to England's shore she warbled like Old Harry.
"To travel with that tenor for a girl like me ain't no life,
I'll mix myself a dose of hooch and give some to that lowlife."
Isolda's maid Brangaena didn't phone the undertaker,
Instead she slipped a love draught in Isolda's cocktail shaker.
It makes me blush to write about the powers of that potion.
The way those two folks carried on you haven't any notion.
Now poor King Mark was simple; no suspicion did he harbor
That every night his wife and Tris were mushing in the arbor.
Until by chance he came upon them, to their consternation,
In what the papers call a "compromising situation."
Now most kings you or I know would have acted kinda sour.
Not Mark. He struck an attitude and sang for half an hour,
Till Melot, glancing at his watch, observed that time was fleeting,
And stabbing Tristan in the ribs he busted up the meeting.
The scene now shifts to Kareol where the Tristans had a castle,
Our hero lies beneath a tree with Kurneval, his vassal.
The castle's rather shy of roof, the wall's about to tumble,
But Tristan says it's home to him, it matters not how humble.
A shepherd, piping on the hill, exclaims, "A ship I've sighted.'
Isolda then comes dancing in and Tristan's quite delighted.
The sound of clashing swords is heard; the (so-called) plot now thickens,
And Mark appears upon the scene still singing like the dickens.
But Tris, alas, has passed away from wounds that Melot gave him.
Isolda sings the Liebestod; she came too late to save him.
She lies down -- dead. The play is done; the curtain bell is ringing
Thus ends this sad and tragic tale. And Mark? He keeps on singing.
From Opera Guyed, Levy
Note: No tune supplied. Sings well to Star of the County Down RG