The Professor of Bray
Whrn in my jolly post-grad days
My work went all to pieces,
I took some other chap's results
And so wrote up my thesis.
But this is law, I will uphold
And none may interfere, sir,
That whatsoe'er the facts may be
I'll further my career, sir.
When my PhD was safe in hand
Success became my passion,
So I slipped off to the USA
To learn the latest fashion.
This golden rule, I swiftly learnt,
And made my faithful practice
Tell people what they want to hear
To Hell with what the fact is.
So in each Sunday supplement
I called their wishes Knowledge
And soon contrived to get myself
A fellow of a college.
A paperback I next supplied
With trendy stuff unstinted;
And subtly slipped the contrary
In footnotes finely printed.
My due reward in time arrived
So I'm the proud possessor
Of a chair, distinguished and renowned
And the title of "professor."
No thought of truth or facts shall e'er
Constrain me or condition
The books and papers that I write
To further my ambition.