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Limmerick Programmer

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Limmerick Programmer

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Limmerick Programmer
(David Diamond)

I am a bold Programmer, Diamond's my name,
I'll write you a program for cash or for fame
To print up your pay-checks, or play you a game
     Of Chess, or Space War, or Gin Rummy.

I'll code it and test it from morning till night,
But I won't care too much if it's wrong or it's right,
For although my success is infrequent and slight,
     I'm champion at finding employment.

My code's not efficient, I use up far more
Resources than anyone used up before;
Took forty-eight pages of virtual core
     Just adding two numbers together.

I don't like test data, I can't read a spec,
I never draw flow-charts, I will not desk-check,
I miss all my deadlines, but then what the heck,
     I'm champion at finding employment.

At home in the evening, I'm feeling the strain,
Take a drink in my hand just to deaden the pain,
Then the phone rings, the boss says,"You've bombed out again,
     We're expecting your early arrival."

Keep your resume handy, but keep your desk clean,
On your three-hour lunches make sure you're not seen,
When you interview don't tell the boss where you've been,
     You'll be champion at finding employment.

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