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Im Going to Drown My Cat

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I'm Going to Drown My Cat

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I'm Going to Drown My Cat
from Bob Walser, who got it from someone in England

I'm going to drown my cat
And smother it with a pillow
It's pissed all around my hat
And it's gonna have to pay
But I'm not into cruelty,
So when I'm done dissecting it,
I'm sending all the bits to the ASPCA

1. Oh farethee well dear cat (dear kitty?)
   You have piddled once too often
   I'm off to buy a dog, who is good and well behaved
   You never discriminated the place you urinated
   So rest in pee will be
   The epitaph on your grave.

2. Oh to get you potty trained
   I have struggled til my strength
   Just like your bladder has been
   Drained over walls and rugs and chairs
   Your metabolism keeps booming
   Because you produce more than you're consuming
   It's really quite beyond me, so
   Pussy say your prayers.

3. I will take my baseball bat,
   Made of the finest willow
   And put you out with that
   And my troubles at the blow.
   but I don't envy St Peter
   When he comes to the gate to greet ya
   You wait til he's not looking,
   Then you'll piddle through his halo.

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