(C. Miller and J. Hoffman)
cho: Ah, for just one time I would take a northeast passage
To find a Jewish princess reaching for my wallet thin,
With her well-coiffed hair and her extra-long eyelashes
And a Mother, waiting, eager to move in.
Westward from New Jersey, 'twas there I often hied
The she-route to stark poverty, o'er which so many cried.
Seeking golden beauty, Ralph Lauren covered bones
Picking from amongst so many clones.
Three short weeks thereafter I had bought a wedding band
Then off to the caterer with my checkbook in my hand
And down to Castor Avenue to rent a tux and then
To the photographer, my mother-in-law's best friend.
Through the night below us, the mileage clicking south
I listen to the promises from my beloved's mouth
Then false hopes rise before me, and behind me sink again
In Miami now the headaches soon begin.
How then was I so different from the first who passed this way?
Like them I left a single life and threw it all away
To seek a northeast passage I'll never try again
I might date shiksas, or maybe switch to men
final chorus: Ah, for one last time did I take etc.