Folk and Traditional Song Lyrics:
Nervous Wreck of the Edna Fitzgerald

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The Nervous Wreck of the Edna Fitzgerald

The Nervous Wreck of the Edna Fitzgerald
(Camille West)

We sailed away from Huntington Bay
And the waters were calm as could be-oh
On our new cabin cruiser,
the first time we used her
'Twas just the family and me-oh
And my husband stood proud in his new captain's hat
Using words like "Ahoy there" and s*** like that
So we took the kid and Cleo our cat
And set out to conquer the sea-oh
Everyone loved it but Clee-oh

And it's yo ho over the sea
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of Perrier, please
This is the life for me

The tranquillity three miles out to sea
Suddenly came to an end-oh
When the kid started saying,
"No way am I staying
I'd rather be playing Nintend-oh."
And the captain cried, "Ho there, you little snot
I paid sixty grand for this family yacht
You're gonna enjoy yourself, like it or not
So you'd better learn how to pretend-oh"
(We all caught the man's innuend-oh)

So it's yo ho over the sea
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of Dramamine, please
This is the life for me?

My husband the captain was checking the charts
While the cruiser was burning up fuel
And the kid threw the cat in, trolling for sharks
He called it a project for schoo-el
I reached down to pull the cat in by the tail
When I saw what was left my complexion went pale
That's when I lost my lunch over the rail
The kid thought the whole thing was coo-el
Mama was not feeling too-well

So it's yo ho over the sea
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of Valium, please
Is this the life for me?

We ran out of fuel by mid-afternoon
And the clouds were moving in fast-er
And the captain did say, "There's no more Perrier"
Which made it a total disast-er
With hardly a warning it started to pour
And we drifted 'til we reached the New Jersey shore
(Never thought I'd be glad to see Jersey before)
We started drifting in fast-er
Tried to steer the ship, but we crashed-her

And it's yo ho over the sea
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of cyanide, please
This is no life for me

Epilogue
I'm back in my condo, the cruiser's a wreck
My husband is spending the insurance check
On something for dry land or I'll break his neck
'Cause this is the life for me
Yo ho

Note: The title is clearly a parody; the lyric is not. RG
RG
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