When a man falls in love with a little turtledove
He will linger all around her underjaw.
He will kiss her for her mother and her sister and her brother
Till her daddy comes and kicks him from the door.
Draws a pistol from his pocket, pulls the hammer back to cock it
And vows he'll blow away his giddy brain.
His ducky says he mustn't, 'tisn't loaded and he doesn't.
And they're kissing one another once again.
Oh, the old folks love it, and the gals ain't above it.
Everybody's got a finger in the pie.
They'll act a little haughty, and they say it's very naughty.
But you bet your life they're kissing on the sly.
When a girl is seventeen she thinks it's very mean
If she cannot catch on someone for a mash.
She'll pucker up her mouth in a pretty little pout
And finger Underneath his big mustache.
It'd make a fellow quiver, he would like to jump the river.
She will stick as tight as granulated glue,
It's no use to tell her you are someone else's feller,
She will masticate your smeller if you do.
If you want to kiss her neatly, very sweetly and completely.
If you want to kiss her so's to fix her nice.
Just when you go to kiss her take a dab or two and miss her.
And mash her in the kisser once or twice.
Recorded by Bob Coltman