Jonah and the Grampus
I'll tell you the story of Jonah
A really remarkable tale
A peaceful and humdrum existence he had
Till one day he went for a sail
The weather were fine when he started
But later at turn of the tide
The wind started blowing, the water got rough
And Jonah felt funny inside
When ship started pitching and tossing
Joe tried hard his feelings to smother
At last he just hung his head over the side
And one thing seemed to bring up another
When sailors saw what he were doing
It gave them a bit of a jar
They liked the sea trippers enjoying their selves
But thought this here were going too far
Said one "Is there nowt we can think on
To stop you from feeling so bad?"
And Jonah said "Aye, lift me over the side
And chuck me in - there's a good lad"
The sailor he weren't one to argue
He said "Happen you know what's best"
So he picked Joe up by the seat of his pants
And chucked him in as per request
A grampus came up at that moment
And seeing as Joe were hard set
It swam along side him and opened its mouth
And said "Come in lad, out of the wet"
Its manner were kindly and pleading
As if to say RSVP
Said Jonah "I've eaten a kipper or two
But I never thought one would eat me"
The inside of grampus surprised him
T'were first time he'd been behind scenes
He found accommodation were ample for one
Though it smelt like a tin of sardines
They went cruising over the water
And Jonah were filled with delight
With his eye to the bluely in grampus's head
He watched ships that pass in the night
"I'm weary of watching" said Jonah
"I'll rest for a minute or so"
"I'm afraid as you won't find your bed very soft"
Said the grampus "I've got hard roe"
A whale boat came up at that moment
Said Jonah "What's this 'ere we've struck?"
"They're after my blubber" the grampus replied
"You best hold on tight whilst I duck"
The water came in through the bluely
And caught Jonah's face with a slosher
He said "Shut your bluely"
And grampus replied "I can't lad it wants a new washer"
Joe tried hard to bale out the water
But found that his task was in vain
But as fast as he emptied slops out through he gills
They came in through the bluely again
When at last they came to the surface
Joe were reading his accident policy
He put down his reading and took a look out
And found they were grounded off Wallesley
Said grampus "We're in shallow water
I've brought you as far as I may
If you'll sit on the bluely on top of my head
I'll spout you the rest of the way"
As Jonah obeyed these instructions
The grampus's lungs did expand
Then blew out a fountain which lifted Joe up
And carried him safely to land
There were tears in their eyes when they parted
And each blew a kiss a real big 'un
Then grampus went off with a swish of his tail
And Jonah walked back home to Wigan