As I was walking down the street, one dark and dreary day,
I came upon a billboard, and much to my dismay,
The sign was torn and tattered, from the storm the night before;
The wind and rain had done it's job, and this is what I saw:
Smoke Coca-Cola chewing gum, Chew Wrigley's Spearmint beer
Ken-L-Ration dog food keeps your complexion clear
Simonize your baby with a Hershey's candy bar
And Pepsi-Cola beauty cream is used by all the stars!
So... take you next vacation in a brand new Frigidaire;
Learn to play the piano in your winter underwear;
Doctors say that babies should smoke until they're tha-ree -
And people over sixty-five should bathe in Lipton tea!
(additional verses from SW)
Come smoke a Coca-Cola, drink ketchup cigarettes.
See Lillian Russell rassle with a box of oysterettes
The BVD's the best hotel the charge is half a dime
Overcoats are selling now, a little out of time.
Hello there, Lizzie Borden, make Colgates do your work
Let anyone who wears one take home an Arrow shirt.
Chauncey de Pew will lecture on Sapolio tonight
Castoria cures the measles if applied just right.
I thank you for your kindness
It certainly is immense
But I'm not going to sing anymore
because it's all nonsense.