Alone in the Bedroom
Alone in the bedroom, the bride and the groom
Go to bed for the first time on their honeymoon.
Says the wife, "One condition to which you'll be bound:
If you want to sleep with me, 'twill cost you a pound.
"Not only tonight but as long as we're wed.
Put all thoughts of freedom right out of your head.
Sure a pound in the hand brings a night of sheer bliss,
If you don't pay the pound there's not even a kiss."
Now the guests, they are happy with whisky and beer,
While this couple, they celebrate twenty-five years,
And the wife calls the company to gather around,
As she gives to her husband some three thousand pounds.
"All the pounds that you gave me I put safely away,
Intending to surprise you on this happy day."
"Sure, if I'd have known this was what you'd meant to do,
I'd have made sure I gave all my business to you!"
[As sung by Wat Nichols.]