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American Ballads and Folk Songs
Oh, I made a face at Empress Josephine, And regret to state the fact that I was seenj
So I fought at break of day,
With Napoleon, and say, I shot him through the goozle with a bean.
I was present when King Alfred burned the cake, And 'twas lucky, for 'twould make his stomach ache}
And when Robert watched the spider,
As he sat there drinking cider, I convinced him Christian Science was a fake*
I was the bard of Avon's closest chum,
I could tell a story that would make things hum—
For when Shakespeare wrote his plays,
He was always in a daze, From the influence of Spearmint chewing gum.
Queen Victoria was dead in love with me— We were married in Milwaukee secretly— But soon I was up and shook her And was off with General Hooker, Fighting skeeters down in sunny Tennessee.