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American Ballads and Folk Songs
1 saw Nero fiddling when he burned up Rome, I told him it looked like his future home*
When he had the nerve to swear,
I dragged him from his chair, And broke a Pilsner bottle on his dome.
I remember when the country had a king. I saw Mrs- Harvard pawn her wedding ring.
I set the flags a-flying,
When George Washington quit lying. I heard Patti when she first began to sing.
I sold spearheads in the Neolithic Age, And I trained a Dinosaurus for the stage.
But when I made a fire,
And a wheel without a tire, My cave received a lot of patronage.
Oh, I have trained some actresses most rare, Twas I showed Anna Held the way to wear Those marvelous creations That provoke the mirth of nations, Twas I taught Eva Tanguay not to care.
I saw Caesar stand upon the Senate floor, And the Romans crowded round him three or four; All at once he said, "You Brute, You have struck me in the snoot!" As he fell, he kicked a panel from the door.
I was present at the siege of La Rochelle, When a cannon ball demolished our hotel 5
And King Henry of Navarre,
When he felt the awful jar, Said, "They certainly are raising merry hell!"